I Support Capital Punishment

For snakes anyway. Today as I was out for my walk, guess who I saw in my mulch? Mat the Snake. At least I think it was him. He looked like Mat the Snake, although he appeared to have a shorter body. Could this be Mat the Snake Jr.? This is not comforting news to me. I do not know the sex lives of snakes or their reproductive capabilities, nor do I wish to know. I do not want snakes in my yard, period.

So, being a fan of Law and Order, I have put Mat the Snake on trial, have judged and sentenced him. I have convicted him of unlawful trespassing and poaching, and attempted murder (of me either by his poisonous bite or the heart attack that will result when he surprises me as I am planting pretty flowers).

I realize he may be doing good by eating bugs or something like that. However, he is doing nothing about the moles that continue to wreak havoc on my yard. I also am planning to plant in his current subdivision of my yard and am not interested in his opinion of my plant choice. I'm not even sure if he can differentiate between my hand and a mouse that he might choose to eat. He probably has issues, and I don't know if he's seen a therapist. Maybe he hates people.

At any rate, I have decided that he needs to go. Since he is bold enough to come out in the sun, I think he is too bold to live at my house. I am going to Home Depot for a hoe. If his neck happens to get in the way of my hoeing my yard, then he has a death wish, and it's not my fault. He looks kinda suicidal, now that I think of it.

At my trial, I shall be pleading self-defense. Please be sure and tell Jack McCoy. Hopefully he hates snakes, too.

I'm Sorry - I Didn't Catch Your Name

Today is Name Yourself Day. Unfortunately, I didn't find out about it until tonight, so I will not be able to celebrate it as elaborately as I would have. Instead, I shall list my Top Ten Name Choices had I named myself today.

1. Margaret. I always thought I would be a good Margaret. I don't know why, but it seemed like a good, solid name.

2. Dixie Magnolia. In deference to my birth state, Mississippi.

3. Trump Gates. Just in case I could be related and cash in on the family money.

4. Tiffani Sunshine. I just think that would be an interesting name for a 50-year-old.

5. Princess Disney Beauty Wonder Enchanted. Maybe I would get a golden fast pass.

6. Bob. Simple, to the point, non-judgmental.

7. Hey You. Make it easy on everyone else.

8. Chesty Leather Rock. In case I need to moonlight as a "dancer".

9. Bulldog Badass (according to Pro Wrestling Name Generator)

10. Luanne. Like I would remember my new name, anyway.

Mat the Snake

This is Mat the snake. I met him today as I was going out for a walk. Since I first heard of his existence in the laurel bushes in my front yard, I have been on the lookout for him. Today I saw him, and he even managed to hang around long enough for me to get a picture. However, he did not hang around long enough for Maribeth to bring around a mop and dustpan to relocate him!

His name is Mat because (a) today is Mathieu P's birthday, and (b) Matt the Landscaper discovered him (but didn't get rid of him). However, just because he has a name does not mean I like him. I don't like him at all. I wish he would go away. To further document my displeasure at his existence, I have written a poem on his behalf (my apologies to Dr. Seuss):

I Do Not Like Mat the Snake

I do not like this snake called Mat
Not even if he wore a hat.
I do not like him round and long,
Not even if he sang a song.
I do not like him in my yard,
Now I have to be on guard.
I do not like him at my house,
I hope he does not have a spouse!
I do not like him - He freaks me out,
I do not like his snakey snout.
His beady eyes I do not like,
I wish he would quickly take a hike.
I do not like this snake one lick
Mat the snake is a dirty trick.
I wish he'd hurry and move away,
And that is all I have to say.

Sticks and Diamond

Today I spent two hours picking up limbs in Molly's yard and placing them where the city chipper could collect them. Some limbs needed sawing, which I did. Others also needed sawing, which I didn't, because I didn't want to saw anymore and I have high hopes that a kind chipper crew will take pity and shove the big limbs into the chipper anyway. The entire job was pretty much a pain, but needed to be done because the chippers were out doing their thing. I managed to add several scratches on my arm to my wounds from yesterday's project, so my own limbs are simply lovely.

To reward myself for today's labor, I decided to sit and watch "The Jazz Singer" starring Neil Diamond. I like this movie (even though most people don't) and I like Neil Diamond and his music, so it was a perfect way to take it easy.

The important thing is to stop and reward yourself from time to time. Maybe it's a movie that nobody else likes, or a CD that nobody else bought, or a culinary delight that nobody else can stomach. What matters is that you like it, and you deserve to enjoy it.

Sometimes we do things because we have to - so why not reward ourselves with things we (and maybe only we) enjoy?

Which Do You Choose?

Are you happy or not on the days where ...

... you feel thinner but you find you've gained a few pounds ... BUT the blister on your baby toe is gone

... you ate WAY too much pizza ... BUT you spent some time with your daughter

... you have band aids all over your hands due to the scratches from the rose bushes ... BUT your yard looks so pretty now

... you didn't get your house cleaned up ... BUT you had a chat with your neighbor

Life is full of dilemmas like these. There are good things and mediocre things and not-so-great things that happen every day. I experienced all of the above today, and at today's end, I can see how it all worked together.

I just have to learn to be patient and wait. And put down that extra piece of pizza!