And Then There's The Back Door Knob ...

Not ours, but looks like it

Since we remodeled the den (family room, TV room, whatever you wish to call it), we've had problems with the doorknob to the back door. On this door we have two locks - one is a deadbolt and the other is your handle-type doorknob. The problem was with the handle doorknob - no matter how hard we (and our go-to handyman guy) tried, we could not get the doorknob to accept our house key. Well, sometimes it would accept somebody's house key, but most of the time it would obstinately refuse to allow the inserted key to perform its duty. Which led me to believe that this particular doorknob was either (a) a two-year old, or (b) a menopausal old woman. Nevertheless, the family just adjusted to it and locked the deadbolt upon leaving, which was a pain due to the fact that it took an extra five seconds to lock it with a key (it was a key deadbolt on both sides) as opposed to simply flicking the lock on the handle.

So, after my recent semi-reno, and after yesterday's second trip to Home Depot (the first was to get the hardware to install new shelves in the spruced-up laundry room and the second was to get new shelves because the ones I had on hand were warped), I decided to get a new doorknob and install it myself. Easy peasy, right? Sure it would be - if anybody else had done it. Let me expound on this subject.

Uhhh, it's an American Flag key?

Yes, I bought the new doorknob yesterday. I avoided the first catastrophe quite by happy accident - I actually talked to a Home Depot employee. I was staring at the doorknobs like a deer in the headlights when the HD Dude said, "Can I help you?" I said I was looking for an exterior doorknob (and not lawn fertilizer in the doorknob department). He then asked me what kind of key I had. I didn't want to say "American flag," since I didn't think that was what he meant, so I just showed it to him. He looked and then gestured to the entire wall display I was gawking at and said, "Well, that key won't work with these locks because that key is a gibblety-gook." Okay, I don't know what technical term he used - I just got the drift of his words. Anyhow, he escorted me to the correct display and helped me find a brushed nickle one (because I have to have matching doorknobs). As I was leaving his jurisdiction, I asked my helper about having the lock re-keyed, and then he said it was one of those brands that you can re-key yourself. And yes, smarty reader person, I have done that re-keying thing myself, so I felt confident (as I usually do on these adventures) that this would be a quick fix. I need to quit feeling that emotion.

Since actually purchasing the doorknob seemed enough effort for one day, and I knew I needed peace and quiet and no people around to complete this task, I decided to wait until this morning to get started. And so I would have the entire day if I needed multiple trips to Home Depot. And time to call a locksmith.

Anyhow, here's how it went ...

1. Take off the offending lock. This was fairly easy, thanks to the fact that I had a fully-charged electric battery screwdriver.

2. Take new lock out of the packaging without slinging the screws all over the room, which I managed to do. I also located the instructions, in case I needed them (which I eventually did). By the way, I HAVE installed door locks before. Not that it bears any weight on this particular installation, but I just thought I would mention it.

3. Start installing the new lock. First you have to put in the door thingy that pokes into the hole in the door frame when you close the door. Which is tricky because one side is curved and the other is flat. Which ones goes which way? It said that the flat part goes toward the direction that the door closes. Which of course I did backwards and screwed it in. Then I (a) read the directions, (b) looked on another exterior door, and then (c) looked at the pokey thingy in the other lock on the door (this is a crucial point that is going to come into play later), and noticed that the pokey thingies were going in opposite directions. In other words, I have it in backwards. So, that involved unscrewing the thingy and turning it and rescrewing it in.

4. Next was putting the actual door knobs on. Again, this was fairly easy, except I just couldn't get them to line up correctly and screw them in. There was a lot of unscrewing and screwing back in and studying and looking at the pictures in the directions. I finally had it semi-together and was looking at the other door lock when I discovered something important - instead of taking off the offending doorknob, I had taken off the deadbolt. So basically I had done nothing to remedy the "I hate your key and I'm not opening" doorknob situation.

5. So now I had to take off the new lock and re-install the deadbolt. Which should have been easy. Shoulda, coulda, wouldna, wasn't. I guess the deadbolt was miffed that it was taken off, because it took some finagling to get it back in its spot. But eventually with a few nice words, it was back in its location and working.

The casualties of not cooperating

6. Take off the offending doorknob - Part Deux, aka The Right One. Again, this part was fairly easy,
except for the part where I had to twist and turn and bend the cover to get to the screws. I wasn't planning to reuse the stupid doorknob again anyway. Eventually I got it off and put it to the side - just in case this whole experiment turned into a fiasco and I needed it.

7. Now it was time for the big moment. Will Luanne be able to install the new doorknob AND rekey it? Will it work? Will all this be done before dark? Will Luanne run out of gas running back and forth to Home Depot? So many questions and so little time ... Well, many moments later (we needn't contemplate how many), and after more screwing in and unscrewing out and trying to locate screw holes and holding together and turning and more such maneuvers, the new doorknob was in!!  And it seemed to work!

8. It came down to the final task - rekeying the lock. I have also done this maneuver before, and it really is pretty easy. But just to re-education myself, I read the instructions. I did as the instructions dictated (at least by the pictures). When I put the re-key key in, the instructions said I might hear a "click." I didn't. Of course I panicked, wondering if (a) I had a faulty lock and was going to have to do the whole Home Depot/reinstall/call a locksmith thing. But instead I decided to forge ahead and hope the re-key was in the right position to do its work. I took out the old key and put in my key and VOILA'!!!  IT WORKED!!!

The new member
of the family

So in the end, everything worked as desired (well, the outcome anyway - the process got a little more involved than desired) and we now have a functioning back doorknob and accompanying lock. At least it worked the 984 times I tested it after installation. And it worked when Steve came home before he went to the airport.

One might think, "Gee, Luanne, you're on a roll. Whatcha going to do next?" And my answer would be ... absolutely nothing. I know when to stop!! Well, maybe ...

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Today is a gift because: Taking Everley to school with her teachers' prizes; installing the new doorknob; new library books; airport run for Steve's trip to Boston