What I Am Learning From Reality TV

Since returning from cruise season, I have been watching "reality television." Of course, I have no ideas whose reality it is - it's far from any reality I know. However, it is teaching me what I should have/should be doing. For instance:

From the various Housewives franchise:

*Being a housewife does not require a house or a husband, since several of these chicks have neither one nor the other.

*Being a housewife does require you to fight with your supposed friends, talk behind their backs, be best friends one day and mortal enemies the next, and create problems where there are none. In other words, act like you're in junior high.

*Being a housewife requires that you spend way more money than you make, especially when there's no evidence that you make any money at all.

*Being a housewife requires that you get implants - in just about any place you can imagine. I guess if you can't show emotion, it's easier to be friends/enemies with your enemies/friends.

*Being a housewife means that you are rich, which is handy when you declare bankruptcy, which is handy when you need to buy a new house or get some more implants.

*Being a housewife means you have a fashion line. Which you apparently need no experience or talent to develop. You probably also have a skin care line and design purses.

From Toddlers and Tiaras:

*The reason my children are not famous is because I did not put them in pageants. This is also the reason they do not have confidence, because pageants is the only place one develops confidence.

*It does not matter if you win or lose, because it is the experience that counts. Unless your kid loses and wails her way out of the building because she did not get the Supreme Super Royal Regent Queen and the $2 trophy and $3 tiara.

*It is worth the $200 tan and make-up, the $200 hairstylist and extensions, the $200 flippers because your kid's teeth face east and west instead of north and south, the $500 professional photographs, the $2000 beauty dress, and the $500 entrance fees because if your kid wins, the prize is $1000.

*The Breakfast of Champions for beauty queens? Red Bull, soda pop, and extra-large pixie stix. And spoonfuls of sugar. Chased down by Kool-aid.

So there you have it - if only reality television had been available back in my day, I'd be taking your order for my face cream and hand bag.

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Today's blessings: Thursday butt camp and dodge ball; Lindley time and spaghetti dinnerdwith the family