Vertigo - It's Not Just A Movie

I never saw this movie. I don't do (or watch) scary. However, since experiencing my own re-inaction of this word, I'm thinking maybe sitting through the movie might have been more enjoyable. Here's my episode synopsis:

On Friday, after working her more-than-ample butt off in butt camp with the assistance of her co-buttcamper Tall Karen (AKA Blond Karen) - well, let's not say they worked, let's just say they are very good actors and can appear to be exerting themselves when The Commandant is looking their way - Luanne spent the rest of her morning hauling excess furniture to Maribeth's garage for storage. (Okay, so I know that's an excessive run-on sentence - I shall attempt to make it up with several sentence fragments later). Luanne also enjoyed lunch furnished by Molly, who could have been the villain in this episode, were she been the Arch Villain Verta-Go.

Anyhoo, after an afternoon nap and shower, Luanne picked up Molly and headed to Groupon Nail Spa, because Molly's pedicure groupon was going to expire (as in be no longer usable, not dead) that day. Again, this location would be ripe for a potential villain, had this been a Jackie Chan movie. But since it was just another day in the Life of Luanne, there was only Chuck, who had just started on Tuesday, who painted Luanne's toes.

Unable to find a parking place close enough to the discount haircut place where Luanne had hoped to obtain a cheap and ill-advised haircut, she decided to proceed to the airport where she was to pick up husband Steve, who had been out of town. Here's where the adventure began.

Luanne picked up Steve at the pre-decided pickup location, the deck for departing passengers. (Yes, that's right -departing. Never mind that he was arriving. It is not pertinent to this story. Movies stars - even those in their own scary movies - are allowed to bend the rules). As Luanne was pulling out of the DEPARTING parking deck, she began to maneuver her car to merge with the various other lanes of traffic (arriving, car rental, valet, shopping, McD's drive-thru). All of a sudden, the world started spinning, or stopped, as Luanne's head did the exact opposite. Images got bigger, or was it smaller, and also started spinning, or stopped. Luanne had the presence of mind (for once) to slow down the car and put her foot on the brake, without sending Steve through the windshield. She then mentioned to Steve something to the effect that she was dizzy, and could he drive (I think that's what she said - possibly in English with no cursing involved).

Steve, who had been busy telling stories of his sojourn in Ft. Lauderdale, seemed to grasp the situation and took action. There might have been words about moving over or getting out or Whazzup!, but again I do not recall them, as I was busy trying to hold my head steady. Steve got out of the car on the passenger side and managed to run over to the driver side without getting hit (remember the MERGING traffic lanes), yelling to one merging car, "Yeah, we're fine, she's just little dizzy"). Luanne had put the car in park, and rather than attempting to get out of the car and probably falling on the road and getting run over by the rental car mergers, somehow managed to heave herself over the gear shift contraption and into the passenger seat (this dexterity is probably due to two years of butt camp - imagine what could happen should she decide to actually exert herself). She even managed to fasten the seat belt, thus avoiding the annoying ding, ding, ding, probably saving her life (either from the sound or the potential car crash with the merging traffic). In spite of the cold chills that quickly ensued, Luanne managed to keep her head from falling off her head on the ride back.

The dynamic duo managed to make it back home, where Steve escorted Luanne to the bed, bringing her a bottle of cold water, a cold rag for her head, and a pill for the dizziness from his own bout with vertigo a few months earlier.

The day after, all seemed right again. There was still some wacky-headedness, from the cold earlier in the week, the meds, the current congestion, and the fact that there was nothing to watch on television.

Oh, and Luanne was unable to make her 6-mile group training wog for this week. You knew there had to be a plot somewhere, didn't you?

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Today's blessings: Last day of butt camp for the session; moving stuff to Maribeth's; Puffy Muffin lunch with Maribeth and Molly; pedis with Molly; Steve's help