Itis-es

I've heard of arthritis, bursitis, and tonsillitis. But having survived three weeks of Nashville Adventure Boot Camp, I'm becoming acquainted with some new "itis" syndromes. For instance, there is:

*What-the-crap-itis - This stems from the joints/muscles that have blissfully been enjoying retirement for the past 30-odd years. They are not so happy.

*You've-got-to-be-kidding-me-itis - This is when Boss Josh says to stick our legs up in the air, keep them straight, and scissor-kick them while doing crunches from side to side. My legs obviously have a feud going on with my (lack of) abdominal muscles, so this is a exercise in futility. Literally. I look more like a bent pretzel who has sprung a sweat spigot.

*How-many-itis? - This is when Boss says we should do 20 (which seems like 200) reps of anything. Since I cannot count and complete a manuever in tandem, I have no idea how many I actually complete. Since it's usually more like five, I console myself my believing I am counting in Base Five.

*I-don't-have-that-body-part-itis - This is when Boss demonstrates an exercise where some body part should be supporting another. Since I am usually quivering and falling over during this part, I can only assume that my body is deficicit in this department. I don't think Boss believes me, though.

*I-graddiated-fifth-grade-itis - This involves anything with a jump rope. I left any jump-roping ability when I left fifth grade. This is evidenced my the rope getting tangled in my feet, around my neck, and flying off into the distance. Okay, so maybe that last one has a little help with my attitude. But it still hasn't managed to hit Boss in the head yet - gotta practice my aim.

*I-need-a-drink-itis - This is when I have sweated off any fluids that my body has harbored, usually after one lap around the gym. I go to my trusty drink bottle and swig, but since I don't pass out, I obviously am not packing the right drink. Doesn't alcohol help the exerise process?

*It's-what-time-itis?!! - This is when I look at the clock after an eon of running, jumping, squatting, and who knows what else. Imagine my surprise to find that only five minutes has passed. Methinks Boss is fiddling with the clocks.

Yes, Boot Camp has awakened a whole new set of itis-es. Thank goodness!!