As any lady knows, there is a lot of work involved with the yearly look-see. First of all, it begins just after you leave the gyno office - you make a mental note that you have 365 days in which to lose all that weight so that next year you will be slim and trim and get the "Golden Stirrups" award for being so awesome and losing so much weight. Then, 364 days later, you are frantically searching the Internet for a diet that will help you lose 50 pounds in 18 hours. Finding nothing, you do the next best thing - go order a Bic Mac with fries. After all, what does it matter now?
Anyhow, the day arrives of your visit with Mr. Spec (you know what I'm talking about). I always like to have a morning appointment. There's a slightly better chance of the doctor being on time and not having to go deliver some one's baby (and don't bother me with statistics on when babies are usually born - I like living in my state of denial, thank you). Also, with a morning appointment, I don't have to worry about not eating all day to keep from putting extra pounds on the scale. And I don't have to thinking about "hopping up on the table" all day. And I don't have to figure out when I'm going to shower so I will be all fresh and everything.
So that was my plan for today. Except that I was on "taking Everley to school" duty and she decided to sleep a little later, which meant a later arrival at school which basically meant I have about 20 minutes once I got back home to take a shower, find decent clothes that I could squeeze in to, and try to lose 50 pounds. Oh, and also drink as much water as possible so that I can contribute that bodily fluid as is usually requested.
Miraculously I managed to get to the office in time. I had brought a book to read, which I decided I no longer liked, and skipped to the last chapter to finish it off. Soon it was my turn, and I followed Nurse Nice to the Interrogation Room. This is where you get weighed and your blood pressure checked. Of course, they had to bring in the postal scales to get my weight, but she deducted two pounds for my shoes and clothes (and didn't buy into the theory that my shoes weighed 50 pounds). Anyhow, she did my blood pressure and then asked if I needed to go to the bathroom. NEED TO GO? I had downed a gallon of water on the way there and managed to convince my kidneys that no, they were not going to burst before I got to the office - did I need to go? I said that yes, because I thought that was a requirement, and she said it wasn't anymore. The times they are a'changin'. Anyhow, I did visit the facilities and left a sample and then proceeded to my own little room.
Here is where you strip and put on the free garments - a paper "gown" and a paper "blankie" to cover yourself. The gown comes with a "belt" which is comedy relief thinking it would encircle anything on my body. I decided to just tie it in my hair for a hair bow (yes, I really did). All the while, I am chanting to myself to the gown, "Please meet in the middle." By careful maneuvering, I managed to cover all the important parts. I have found that different gynos use different "inspection garments." Molly's uses some type of silky robe - just what I would need, to be slip-sliding away on the exam table. I once had a gyno who gave you two napkins - one the size of a doily and one the size of a place mat, and expected you to cover up with that. Anyhow, I got covered and concentrated on not sweating, which would probably disintegrate the material and therefore my coverage.
Anyhow, soon Dr. BN comes in and is just lovely. Does she say, "You know, it's a hassle to get them big-a#$ postal scales in here once a year for you," or "Gurrl - you need to lose some weight." Nope, she is all happiness and joy, and admires my lovely headdress/former belt. She gets down to bizness and in a matter of moments is all done. We chitchat a little more and soon our visit is done. At least until next year. Which means I have 365 days to lose weight. Or at least bring my own postal scales ...
Today was a great day because: taking Everley to school: finishing up my yearly mammy/pappy exams; picking up Everley and Lindley at school and having E and L time