Just When They Thought They Were Retired ...

... they're called into action again. My abdominal muscles, that is. Sure, I had them way back in high school, and even into college. Even if I gained a pound or two, I could skip a candy bar, do a few sit ups and they were back in action.

Then I got married. Sensing that perhaps they could take it easy, those muscles started relaxing a bit. When I started harboring children within their confines, those abdominal muscles weren't too happy. They would rebound a little less with the births of each child. Maybe they were confused and thought the elastic panel of the maternity pants were a permanent fashion statement. Unfortunately for us all, they weren't.

Fast forward many years. My abs, if you could call them that, went into hibernation, covered by layers of belly bulge (at least according to the Gut Buster ads). I think they secretly figured that I was married and past child-bearing age, so what was the point? Instead of buying big-girl panties, I went for the big-gut ones.

And then came Butt Camp. Our task master Josh is hell-bent on me finding those elusive things known as abs that are somewhere in the vicinity of my belly button. He has the group doing all sorts of torture maneuvers, from sticking our feet up in the air and lifting a weight upwards to touch our feet, to twisting and turning while our legs are pretend moving like they are on a bicycle. He keeps telling us to do twenty-five, which I interpret to being two and five. Once everyone has done the required reps, he says to do it again. Sadist.

Every now and then, when I can actually get my upper body off the floor to half-way complete a modified chubby old-lady crunchette, I think I feel a twinge in that-area-formerly-known-as-a-waist. I hope that it's an old muscle being called back into action and not a reminder of what I had for dinner last night. Every time I manage to heave up to the required position (sort of), I try to believe that one day I will wear something belted again. I imagine that one day I will tuck in my shirt again. If Josh has his way, it will happen.

So I guess I'll keep working at it. Somewhere out there, there's a belt with my name on it.