So now you know all about the "who" and "how to get there" of butt camp. Now comes the important part - what goes on. All the following information is probably confidential and highly classified, and I am probably risking my reputation as a highly trained athlete for giving you the low down on boot camp. But I do believe in sharing the wealth and disseminating knowledge, so here it is. Besides, I need some new boot-ies, and after reading this, I'm sure you'll want to join me.I could probably categorize all our fun activities into three groups: "Difficult," "Impossible," and "Are You Kidding Me?" But that might be somewhat daunting to the novice butts out there. So instead, I shall break down our hour into three parts: Stretching (meaning getting ready to exert yourself or recovering from over-exerting yourself); Aerobic (meaning make sure you breathe so you don't pass out); and Strength (meaning once you're done you will be walking around with your arms hanging down all day). Now that you know, let's gitterdun.
Upon arrival at the torture chamber, I mean gym, I put my equipment down and start walking, which Ike tells us to do to warm up. By the time I get there, Mitch, Track, U-K, and Day-Glo are already there. (Apparently by this time, U-K has already been to Starbucks and caught up on email.) After a lap or two, Ike tells us to start jogging. The above mentioned boot-ies jog about 28 laps while I am still finishing my first. After a few minutes of this, Ike gathers his chicks together and we begin.
First we have to officially warm up, which involves the stretching. Most of the time this involves bending and turning. This is sort of a zen, chilling out approach to stretching. However, sometimes Ike likes to mix it up and have a moving warm up. I hate moving warm-up. Basically we have to jog/waddle/whatever down the floor, pulling your knee to your chest (mine aren't on good terms and prefer not to touch), or skipping (which I gave up in 6th grade), or slinging your knee up and over (I think I saw a award-winning college marching do that once), or whatever maneuver Ike has come up with that day. At some point, Ike decides we're all warmed up and ready to go. Lucky for him he gets to decide and doesn't ask us!!
The rest of the session is divided up into various maneuvers depending on Ike's discretion. Some days his discretion is better than others. Here is the menu from which he may choose:
Aerobic:
- 7 minute run - some people run a mile, some run nearly a mile, and some run a lap. I'll let you decide who does what.
- Hurdle jumping - it has only taken me a year to jump one. Unfortunately there are about 7 in a row to jump over.
- Jump roping - it only took me 4 months to relearn rope jumping. I probably would have more success with calf roping.
- Agility ladder - a rope ladder on the floor that you're supposed to use "fast feet" (Ike's term) to step in and out in a variety of dance steps (my term). The problem is when you have big feet, they tend to step on the ladder and sling it out of line, which makes it difficult for the boot-ies who are behind you to fast-foot it through.
- Stairs - go up and down really fast. I would, if there were pancakes on either end.
- Sprints/Suicides - funny how these are put together. 'Nuf said.
- Resistance Band Partner Drills - one of you is the horse and the other is the driver. The horse is supposed to run/skip/wander (that would be me) down the floor pulling the driver, who has a resistance band wrapped around the horse's waist and is supposed to be using a "Whoa, Nelly" approach - holding you back. Yep, it's as fun as it sounds
- Basketball drills - there's some dribbling, some bounce passing, and some bounce on the wall and jump stuff. Since my basketball career ended in 4th grade, I understand none of it - I just try to be inconspicuous.
- I'm sure there's more, but I have to catch my breath now.
The other part is strength:
- Lifting those weights we bought - we lift with our arms, our wrists, our legs, and any other appendage that Ike deems necessary. We lift forward and backward and sideways and up and down and North and South and East and West. And then we lift in a circle. We are well rounded weight lifters.
- Push-ups - on the ground, on the bleachers, on the wall, on the floor - closed grip, open grip, gripey grip - just a plethora of options for Ike to put together.
- Crunches - legs in the air, legs doing scissor kicks to the side or up and down, knees to the side, knees in the air, elbows touch knees, arms lifting up - in other words your appendages are flailing everywhere, you just gotta use those abs to heave your torso to the desired location.
There are also games Ike likes to make us play on what he calls "fun day." These could include a basketball game (lousy at it), dodge ball (lousier at it), blog tag (ridiculously lousy at it), and relays involving going around and around (feel like passing out at it).
And then there are the ringers - the Plank Relay (you have to do a plank, a maneuver that defies description and do a relay with it), the Indian Run (a group of you run in a line and the one in the back has to run to the front and so on and so on - I know no Indians who do this), and the Hill Run (running up a blasted hill, down the stairs, and back up the hill).
There are many more things that are involved in our hour of fun, but I have to leave something for you to look forward to. So the question remains - why do I do this? Is it fun? That depends on your definition of fun. Is it rewarding? Starbucks rewards me with a free drink, so my perspective might be flawed. Is it worth it? I guess it depends on what you base its worth on.
I can tell you this - I appreciate every effort, every strain, every breath, every step, every lift, every lunge, every movement. I appreciate it because I know I'm working toward a goal of feeling better, looking better, and moving better. And a better me makes it a better world for everyone.
So that's a basic look at Butt Camp. But I can't leave you there, so tune in tomorrow for Butt Camp Part Quad - The Sum of It All
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Today's blessings: Friday butt camp with the girls; Sonic breakfast; picking up Lindley from day care; flower costume delivery/order; brief drive-by from Molly and Plates; phone chats with Anne about wedding/Disney and Aunt Laura about wedding
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