There are many reasons for this lack of accomplishment. I did finish two 5K races (okay, so "race" may be a bit of a stretch). I also attended butt camp quasi-religiously and did my best (recognizing that "best" is a relative term). I even got out in the neighborhood to "train" for my upcoming "races." So let's just go with the theory that the exercise portion of my efforts was adequate.
We are therefore left with the obvious conclusion that there are nefarious culprits that are undermining my success. To that end, I would like to name those offenders, in hopes of executing a citizen's arrest, thus placing them in jail. These are the Top Three Do-Badders:
1. Little Debbie - I think she is the kingpin of this whole non-weight-loss conspiracy. She is a major supplier of her yummy treats, yet poses as some precious, innocent little girl. I mean, look at that smile - pure evil!! She must be stopped from pushing her creme-filled tasty delights.
2. The Keebler Elves and their sugar-house where they make things like Grasshopper Mint Cookies. I think they are the dwarfs to Little Debbie's Snow White. They are followers, part of her posse, and are equally intent on thwarting my good intentions of reducing my tush.
3. Peanut M&M Dude. He also keeps coming up with new pals, like Pretzel M&M, to add to Almond M&M, Plain M&M, Dark M&M - they're trying to take over the world - at least mine, anyway. They must be stopped - and apparently my plan of eating them in order to get rid of them isn't working.
Of course, there are many other co-conspirators in this group. There's Weight Watchers (what do you mean, I'M supposed to watch MY weight - I thought there'd be a person who did that for me); there are the voices in my head who tell me start over tomorrow which seems to never come because tomorrow becomes today and then the voices tell me tomorrow hasn't arrived; there's the diet people who tell me to eat a certain food but then the next diet person says that certain food is terrible and I need to eat this other food which is terrible according to the next diet person; there's - well I hope you got the idea.
I guess I shall have to get firm with these villains and run them out of town. I shall have to use some of my barely-toned muscles from butt camp and kick their sugary sweet butts out the door. I shall have to let them know there's a new sheriff in town, and its me. Think they'll be skeered if I shake my shake weight at them?
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Today's blessings: Last day of butt camp (for a week) with shirt and picture; cleaning up house a teensy bit; Molly bringing lunch; Maribeth helping with furniture delivery to Sam; visit with Rambo and Molly; telephone chat with Marilyn
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