Relationships

Relationship. It's the thing for which we were created, the thing that nourishes us and sustains us, and the thing we sometimes search for our entire lives. Yet at times it seems the most elusive thing in the world. What is it about relationships that sometimes confounds us, exasperates us, and deflates us?

Kat had a great post about relationships recently. Since I am in a women's group discussing the same topic, I've had time to think about relationship and what it means to me personally. I'm beginning to understand why relationships are the best, the most rewarding, and the most frustrating things in my life.

For me, it’s the notion that I have no relationship that is like another. Each one is different and has its own values and norms. But in each relationship, there is a transfer of energy from one to the another. It’s that energy that keeps a relationship going whether the relationship is healthy or unhealthy, until that energy is gone and the relationship ends.

In some relationships, I have been the sole giver, and received energy from giving. I am nourished by helping, providing for, and uplifting someone else. But it’s like being on a diet of sugar. I can keep going, but without something healthy to take in, I burn out. I have to be willing to ask that my needs be met and change the relationship to keep it alive and healthy for me, or let it go.

In a few relationships, I have been the sole receiver because I was unable to survive in some way and the energy I received kept me going. But that’s like being fed on a 24-hour buffet diet – I can only ingest so much before I have to back away from the table. Maybe the relationship was meant to be short-lived and I walk away with positive feelings. But if I want the relationship to continue, the giver has to be willing to receive from me.

In most of my relationships, there is a constant give and take, which makes it more complicated. Sometimes I want to give, but the receiver isn’t taking. Sometimes I want to take, but the selfish one refuses to give or is confused about the meaning of give. Sometimes I just want to be left alone, but want the relationship to continue without me for a while. Sometimes I don’t know what is going on, because everything is just full of crap.

So what do I do? I must be honest first with myself, then with those around me. I consider what I want in a particular relationship, and spread the word. I choose my words carefully and hope for the best outcome. Every relationship has different needs, and in some the only way my needs will be met is if I vocalize them.

Everyone has a different concept of relationship and many think they know what a good relationship looks like. But for me, what makes a good relationship is inside me. Only I know if the energy is equitable and works. And when it does, relationship is the greatest thing in my world.