Friday, May 13, 2016

Happy Friday!!

Today is Friday 13th. Like several other designated days, I do not like Friday 13ths. Am I superstitious? Maybe. I just don't like any days with spooky connotations. So what shall I do to negate the whole theory behind Friday 13?  Here's a list of 13 ideas ...

  1. Go on a wog. But I might slip and fall and twist my ankle, so maybe I won't be doing that.
  2. Eat some comfort food, like a chocolate bar. But I'm trying to lose weight, and I heard that chocolate bars cause a weight gain (especially if you decided not to go on a wog), and probably because of today the weight gain will double, so maybe I won't do that.
  3. Take a soothing bubble bath. But the bubble bath I might use will probably be the one that some researcher had decided to cause weight gain and adult onset acne, so maybe I should just skip the bath for today.
  4. Take a hot relaxing shower. But what if my hot water heater has a malfunction because of today and all of a sudden hot scalding water pours out of the shower, making the above mentioned adult onset acne even worse? Never mind about the shower.
  5. Pick some of my flowers for a table arrangement. But what if the bees are buzzing about my flowers and unknown to me, have chosen today as National Bee Stinging Day and concentrate on my poor, burned, adult onset acne face? Better stay away from the flowers.
  6. Clean out a closet. But what if all the boxes of junk that I have been storing fall on my bee-stung, burned, adult onset acne head, causing a concussion? Better stay out of the closet.
  7. Read a book. But the only book I can locate is that one about getting rid of clutter, which would entice me to venture into the closet, where potential injuries are lurking. And the resulting concussion would probably cause me to forget that I had already read the book, and I would reread the book, causing another venture into the dangerous closet. No book reading today!
  8. Go out to eat. Which would be fun, until the manager kicked me out of the restaurant because people were afraid of my puffy, red, peeling, adult onset acne face, not to mention the fact that I was walking in circle mumbling to myself due to my concussions (however many of them I had acquired by that point).
  9. Enjoy the granddaughters. How delightful would that be?! That is, if they knew it was me behind the mask I would have to wear due to my scary face. And the fact that in my concussed state, they would probably convince me to use all my credit card dollars on purchasing things from Those tricky little girls need to stay at home!
  10. Go to a movie. But I would probably choose the wrong movie, like my mother did when I was little and sent us to the movie "Toys In The Attic" which she thought was a kids movie but was really a gangster movie, and I would choose what I thought was a documentary about Texas but instead was a porno like "Debbie Does Dallas." As if my concussed brain would remember it anyway. But I will stay away from movies today.
  11. Catch up on emails. I haven't heard from my friend in Nigeria who has riches for me, if I would only send him some money to release the riches. And if there were any dollars left of my granddaughter-overtaken credit cards, then not only would my Nigerian friend have his money, but I would also have met singles in my area and had my penis enlarged. I think I will stay away from my emails today.
  12. Watch television. Which would be easy, but in my present state resulting from all the above, I would probably watch and see that a terrible storm is coming like that time I was watching and saw that a killer tornado was coming. In Chicago. I was living and watching television in Orlando. I'll just keep the television off for today.
  13. Call my friends on the phone. Which would be great, if I could remember their numbers in real life, much less in my Friday 13 state. Which means I would probably call some total stranger who will now have my number in his/her contacts, and this will be the call that will drive the total stranger over the wall and will try to steal my identity - that of a overweight, old lady, wandering around mumbling to herself while her face oozes and peels, and whose identity isnt worth peeling since she no longer has any credit anyway.
So, I think I shall just stay in the bed today. When does tomorrow get here?
Thankful today for: it's Friday!; sleepover with Emmatha and Everley

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