Scars

Two weeks post-surgery, my laproscopic wounds seem to be healing. Because I was a little over-indulgent with neosporin, a rash developed, but that is also fading. The longest scar is perhaps one inch, which should go nicely with the scars on my chest and side from birthmarks removed when I was a baby.

I have other scars, too. Like many others in my generation, I have a round scar on my left arm from an inoculation. I also have several scars on my hands where I had warts removed and various nicks from adventures on the farm. I have a scar on my forehead where a skin cancer was removed. Each scar tells a story of a physical wound.

Remembering the wounds associated with these physical scars had caused me to think about hidden scars that I've held on to for the past 50 years. These scars would tell stories of emotional wounds. These scars represent as much pain as the physical wounds. But the emotional wounds seem much harder to get over, maybe because we don't talk about them.

Physical scars are often shown as a badge of honor - "Look what happened to me; aren't I brave?" - whereas the emotional scars are kept quiet. It would seem that we're afraid to show others where we hurt on the inside.

So I decided today to start paying attention to all those old scars. Maybe it's time to admit that the scar that makes me cautious in friendships is because of the betrayal of a friend. It's time to admit that there's a scar of sadness that represents the loss of both parents. It's time to admit that there's a scar that makes me over-protective with my adult children because I've seen their hearts broken. My emotional scars are just as much a badge of honor as my physical ones, because they represent things that have happened to me but I managed to live through.

All my scars are the evidence of things I've been through, things that have made me stronger, and things that have shaped me into who I am today. I could dwell on the pain they represent, or be proud for having gone through it. In the end, I'm thankful for all those scars, because they show me in spite of all the hurts and pain, I have been made whole again.