Taking It Easy

Learning to truly "take it easy" is not an easy task for me. In my life, taking it easy means sitting around with something to do, such as sew, plan, read for a purpose, make lists, sit down between laundry rounds, etc. To truly take it easy takes work. Today I practiced.

I felt better today. A good night's sleep does wonders. I am a side sleeper, and last night was the first night in several that I've managed to assume my desired position. Sleeping in my own bed without having my blood pressure checked or having an iv hung was a great treat. My day already had a promising start.

My main activities today were changing my clothes and sitting. I watched tv and napped. There was the temptation to do a load of laundry, or pick up some clutter, but I didn't. Doing nothing wasn't such a bad thing to do. I did get the checkbook balanced and the bills caught up, but I had to sit upright at some point!

With all this down time lately, I've had a lot of time to think. I've thought about the past 50 years, and the next 50. I've wondered about the differences in the two.

My first 50 years were driven. Driven to get an education, get married, have and rear children, succeed in a career I loved, and accomplish various goals. Being task oriented, I excelled in setting benchmarks and going after them, sometimes successfully and sometimes not. But I kept going, really not imagining any other way. If there was a job I could fill, I filled it. If there was a need I could meet, I met it. If there was something I could do, I did it. This was what my life was about, to do.

But now I see a different path. I see a life that is not so driven to do everything, but one that seeks to accomplish only those things that are so very precious to me. It's almost a paradox - now that I have the freedom to do anything and everything I want, I find myself being picky and choosy about the things I want to do. For a person who believed success meant doing everything she had the ability to do, it's a hard concept to swallow, this idea of not doing everything, but only the things that truly matter - to me.

So, where does this leave me? Am I becoming the crotchety old lady who won't keep the nursery, or be on the prayer chain, or volunteer at the school? I remember in my twenties, looking at people my age, and wondering why they didn't do more, after all, they had time and no kids! Now I get it.

Yes, we don't have little ones to worry about or carpools or pediatrician's appointments. Yes, we may not work or be members in the Bible study group. Yes, we may have all the degrees we desire. Yes, we have all the time in the world. But just as we have all the freedoms we want, we are also faced with living a new way of life.

I am no longer building a life, but living in the one I built. Now is the time I use the foundation I worked on and see where it takes me. Now is the time I determine where I'm going next. For now, it's taking it easy and recuperating. Once that's done, I'll move on. It's good to have the first 50 years behind me.