Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Why I Am Not In The Olympics

While there are probably many reasons I am not, nor have ever been, in the Olympics, I would like to believe it is simply a matter of proportions.  Here are the major ones according to Olympic event:

1.  Beach volleyball:  the proportion between my rather ample butt and the bikini uniform the women wear

2.  Gymnastics:  the width of my clodhopper foot and the width of the balance beam

3.  Track and field:  the ability of my ankle to twist when walking and the speed that is apparently necessary to qualify for any event

4.  Fencing:  Hot flashes vs all the electrical apparatus involved in the uniform

5.  Any sport involving a lot of persnickety rules:  my ability to remember and all those rules

6.  Any sport involving a swimming pool:  the chance that my personal body weight will displace all the water in the pool once I dive in - can we say tidal wave?

So there you have it - I was only one fat butt away from the podium!
Today's blessings:  4 miles with KB and seeing Vera P along the way; Everley time at her house; taking chairs to Molly and seeing her new office; insulation inspection pass

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