Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Court Tips

Since today is my third day on jury duty, I thought I would offer a few tips to the court. I realize that none of them are legal, but it never hurts to make suggestions.

1. Put those courtroom sketch artists to use. The lawyers keep talking about people and bringing in witnesses, and I'm having difficulty keeping track of who is who and who is on whose side. Have the artists draw the aforementioned people, label them by name, and put them on the wall. At least I will have a reference point.

2. Get some football coach or John Madden-type analyst and a dry-erase board. Then maybe they can connect the dots for me on when who did what to whom. Perhaps Vanna White could point to the previously suggested sketch-artist pictures while we're getting the play-by-play.

3. Have a Starbucks barista outside the courtroom door. I cannot make it across the street during the break, and I NEED CAFFEINE!!!!! Otherwise I am going to be on the floor during the umpteenth video of the contested dispute.

4. Have some half-time entertainment. The last four witnesses just talked and talked and talked, and added nothing to the case, so my interest is waning. Please perk me up with a magician, or the Rockettes, or talking dogs.

5. Allow the judge to have a paintball gun under his desk and shoot any lawyer who wastes time, like when he is looking for his list of witnesses, or can't remember the name of his client, or just has a really ugly tie on.

6. Pedicures would be nice during the lunch break.

7. Likewise, a nap would be nice after the lunch break.

8. Require the lawyers to sing their opening statements.

Okay, so maybe they're a little bit extreme. But it sure would make my $10 a day a little better!
Things that make today great: Jury duty and fellow jurors; Maribeth fetching dinner; boxing during boot camp

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