The 5K That Wasn't (And Why)

Okay, so maybe it was but we weren’t. Last night at dinner Steve and I managed to down a couple of baskets of pre-dinner rolls. While they were delicious (as evidenced by our scarfing them down), they were probably ill-advised, since we still had our lasagna/chicken parmigiana still to go. Without the weary details, our stomachs decided to keep us awake at various hours during the night to ask us the eternal question, “Was it really worth it?”

Since tomorrow’s half marathon is THE race (with Steve being a charter runner of the race, having run all 7 years, which qualifies him for special swag on anniversary years) tomorrow is important. Today’s 5k needed to be sacrificed for the cause tomorrow. Yes, I probably could have done the 5K, but since the aforementioned dinner rolls were still sitting like bricks in my hoping-to-be-macrobiotic stomach, I decided sit this one out.

Now the inevitable question remains - why did we suck down the rolls? Leaving Steve to answer his own moral dilemma, I shall attribute my behavior to cheapness and poor starving Chinese children. Growing up, I was encouraged to eat all that was placed in front of me because there were starving children in China. I guess I could have inquired as to the feasibility of shipping the food over to them, but being a shushed Southern girl, I knew better. Instead, I just ate, never considering that putting food in my stomach did not morph into food in a Chinese child's stomach.

The cheap part of this equation is mine alone. The problem is if someone puts food in front of me that I’m paying for anyway, I feel I must eat it all. Because otherwise it is wasted, therefore leaving me guilty of contributing to landfills and the eventual destroying of Mother Earth.

So, now that I have recognized the root of my issues (well, this one anyway), perhaps I shall do better in the future. Perhaps the next time I dine out, I shall ask if I will get pre-dinner rolls (and watch when the McDonald's dude is confused). If there are dinner rolls planned, I shall ask that they be sent directly to starving Chinese children. I shall also pretend that they cost extra, therefore refuse them simply based on economics.

However, should they actually appear on the table, I shall take evasive measures, such as:

1. Send them to the cute dude at the bar - people do it with drinks, so why not bread?

2. Learn to juggle. After they fall on the floor a couple of times, maybe the dirt and germs will deter me from consumption.

3. Slit them and use them as earmuffs. Sometimes those restaurants are too cold, anyway.

4. Play chicken and sit on them, hoping they will hatch.

5. Stuff them in my bra and use them as boob implants.

At least when I get thrown out of the restaurant, I won’t have eaten the rolls!