The Clothing Issue - will I get my clothes off and my body under the covers before dude (or dudette) comes in? How does he/she know when I'm done anyway? And did I get my raggedy undies covered up with my regular clothes so dude won't see how really big my granny panties are?
The Most Recent Meal Issue - Did the beans fully digest and therefore divest themselves of their odorous abilities? Ohmigosh - are those my intestines he/she is kneading? Ohmigosh - is that a gas bubble? Are these sheets capable of masking the possibly inevitable?
The Masseuse's Brain Issue - What is he/she really thinking? Is he attempting to locate a knotted muscle through the the mounds of fleshy fat? Is she wondering if the table will support a woman of my size? Is he just making this up as he goes?
The Sleep Issue - Did I fall asleep? Did I snore? Did I drool? Did he/she say something while I was asleep? Can I go back to sleep now?
By the end of the hour, my issues (along with my tight muscles) are all worked out. I don't care if I've fallen asleep, or my underdrawers have fallen on the floor, or the beans have done their magic. I'm rested and refreshed and ready for a new week.
Now if I can just figure out my issue with how much/how/when to tip the dude ...
Today's blessings: BK breakfast with Sam, Lindley, and Molly; spending the day with Lindley; an hour with Jason at Massage Envy; taking Steve to the airport