Justice Was Served - So I Served Myself

Finally, after hours of blah-blah-blah-ing, videos and pictures, tax returns and various other forms and papers, witnesses and their testimonies interpreted by translators, my jury was sent to deliberate our verdict on the case of the hookah cafe and hair salon vs the big bad hotel. We gave ourselves a 20-minute lunch break, convened at 1 pm, and got to work with the knowledge that we really needed to be done by 4:30 pm in order to finish up and not have to return on Monday.

We discussed and read the applicable laws, rehashed the testimony and re-read our notes, pondered and pointed out, then finally finished answering the sixteen questions we were given. We turned in our decision, the judge called us in to court, our verdict was read, and we were dismissed and on our way at 4:30 - just in time to deal with Nashville rush hour traffic on a rainy Friday afternoon.

To celebrate the end of this tiring experience, I picked up takeout from Cheesecake Factory. I demolished most of it, only to top it off with chocolate ice cream topped with chocolate sauce. This indulgence promptly put me into a sugar-high/mental-fatigue-induced coma from which I eventually recovered.

It was an interesting week and I'm glad it's over. I met some really nice people and experienced our justice system up close and personal. I made a whopping $50 and spent some of it eating at new places downtown. I did my civic duty and received a nice letter from our judge. I had the opportunity to do something new and different and enjoyed it. For me, jury duty was tedious and boring and interesting and rewarding. In other words, it was a gift for which I am grateful to have experienced.

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Things that make today great: Finishing jury duty; chicken and biscuits from Cheesecake; chocolate-chocolate ice cream; surprise visit and gift from Jeff and Lisa; quiet night at home

This Is My Jury Duty

Today I did not finish up my jury duty job. The hope is that we will finish tomorrow. I thought I would give you an idea as to what I've been going through all week. Now, I am not (a) racial profiling - the people below most resemble the principle players, (b) suggesting one person is more at fault than the other because of whom I think they resemble, or (c) telling trial secrets. I just want you to experience my fun!!

Now, for the generalities of the trial. Basically, the principal players are as follows:

The Plaintiff, Omar Shariff, and his attorney, Mr. Haney. The Defendants, Slumdog Millionaire and Sadaam, and their attorneys, a grownup Beaver Cleaver and Desperate Housewives Dude. There is also Judge Sully and the interpreter, Monk.

Basically, Omar, Slumdog, and Sadaam are having a tiff. They have lots of friends to come in and testify on their behalf, most of whom need Monk to translate. Sadaam also needs Monk, and likes to answer "yes or no" questions by making long speeches - which is twice as long when Monk translates back and forth.

Mr. Haney can't remember dates or names or what all the papers are on his desk. He spends a lot of time rifling through his papers and this mispronouncing names (okay - I'll give him that one). But he also forgot that Christmas is in December, not November. And he also gets a little confused as to what testimony was said. But that's okay because his main argument is to introduce a lot of information, most of which has nothing to do with Omar's case. I think today he read from "War and Peace" and then passed out several years of financial papers that I believe were either the (a) national budget, or (b) his own personal income tax returns that he misplaced. When things got really dull, he asked the same questions he asked two hours earlier that were asked yesterday by both he and Beaver Cleaver.

Beaver Cleaver is happy to sit in his chair and play on his Blackberry, although it is unclear as to whether he is playing Tetris, texting his wife for dinner plans, or updating his facebook status. Every now and then he objects to something Mr. Haney said. Since no one is listening to Mr. Haney at this point, there's no credence to his objection, but at least it wakes everyone up. Meanwhile, his protege, Desperate Housewives Dude, is just trying to stay focused. I think he is focused on the courtroom clock, since it is directly across from his position.

Judge Sully keeps it all under control, dismisses us for recess and lunch, and has promised that we will be done tomorrow afternoon. Landing in the Hudson is a piece of cake compared to taking charge of this trial!!

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Things that make today great: My fellow jurors; lunch and Starbucks with Mary

Court Tips

Since today is my third day on jury duty, I thought I would offer a few tips to the court. I realize that none of them are legal, but it never hurts to make suggestions.

1. Put those courtroom sketch artists to use. The lawyers keep talking about people and bringing in witnesses, and I'm having difficulty keeping track of who is who and who is on whose side. Have the artists draw the aforementioned people, label them by name, and put them on the wall. At least I will have a reference point.

2. Get some football coach or John Madden-type analyst and a dry-erase board. Then maybe they can connect the dots for me on when who did what to whom. Perhaps Vanna White could point to the previously suggested sketch-artist pictures while we're getting the play-by-play.

3. Have a Starbucks barista outside the courtroom door. I cannot make it across the street during the break, and I NEED CAFFEINE!!!!! Otherwise I am going to be on the floor during the umpteenth video of the contested dispute.

4. Have some half-time entertainment. The last four witnesses just talked and talked and talked, and added nothing to the case, so my interest is waning. Please perk me up with a magician, or the Rockettes, or talking dogs.

5. Allow the judge to have a paintball gun under his desk and shoot any lawyer who wastes time, like when he is looking for his list of witnesses, or can't remember the name of his client, or just has a really ugly tie on.

6. Pedicures would be nice during the lunch break.

7. Likewise, a nap would be nice after the lunch break.

8. Require the lawyers to sing their opening statements.

Okay, so maybe they're a little bit extreme. But it sure would make my $10 a day a little better!

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Things that make today great: Jury duty and fellow jurors; Maribeth fetching dinner; boxing during boot camp

Jury Duty Tips

1. Take a book. There's lots of down time waiting, and making judgement calls on your fellow jurors can only take so long.

2. Yes, this is a paying job. Today I made $10. However, I spent $8 on lunch, because if I left the parking garage I would have to pay for parking since I only get one free parking pass a day. How much income tax will I have to pay on $2?

3. Get a good night's sleep. Otherwise you risk the possibility of falling asleep while the attorneys are reading endless pieces of paper that have to do with the case you're supposed to be listening to.

4. Try to meet a lot of people in the weeks before you have to report for jury duty. Then, when the judge asks if you know the attorneys, the plaintiff, the defendant, the witnesses, and/or the judge, you can say yes, take your $10 and go home.

5. Practice your poker face. Then when Mr. Lawyer says dumb things that make his client look really stupid, you can be laughing on the inside and looking contemplative on the outside.

6. Start writing your novel. You will probably get much of it written during the trial when you're supposed to be taking notes. Hey - writing is writing.

7. Ask the judge if Jack McCoy or Perry Mason is trying this case. Then ask the judge if he's kin to Judge Wapner or Judge Judy. Then ask if he's heard the expression, "Here Comes The Judge!" Maybe you'll get sent home on this one.

8. Ask the judge how he started out - judging pies at the County Fair or toddlers at beauty pageants.

Those are all the tips I have for now - maybe I'll get more when I return tomorrow!

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Things that make today great: Jersey Mike's lunch with Susan and Jury Lady; fellow jurors; hearing my first jury duty case; dinner and book shopping with Molly; new Lindley and pacifier picture

Good One, Southwest!

This is a picture of the flight path that Southwest took me on last night on the way to Nashville from Ft. Lauderdale. Let me explain.

Steve and I were scheduled on a 6 pm flight. During lunch, we found out that it would be delayed by an hour, but by the time we got to the airport a few hours later, the flight was back on time.

We boarded the plane without a hitch about 45 minutes late, and waited on the runway for about 10 minutes. We finally took off with the usual stuff of wheels going in and the flaps being retracted. About 5 minutes into the flight, we heard the flaps going in again. This is when the fun began.

The pilot came on the loudspeaker and told us that the front flaps wouldn't retract, which meant we couldn't get to the cruising altitude, so we were going to go to Tampa and get another plane, and there shouldn't be a problem landing. Terrific. The next thing was the loud sound of the wheels going down - which is really loud when you're going faster than landing speed. The pilot announced that we had too much fuel and needed to fly around and burn some. With the wheels down, there was more drag and would burn more fuel faster. It is also very loud and leaves you wondering if the wheels are going to fly off. The pilot said the back flaps were down and the front were not acting right, but the plane was handling okay and we would be landing in 20 minutes.

Twenty-five minutes later the pilot said that we still needed to burn more fuel so we were circling Sarasota and when we burned off enough fuel that we would land in Tampa and it should be a regular landing. Finally enough fuel was burned off and the pilot came on to announce that we were getting ready to land. He also said that Tampa would have fire trucks meeting us and would be racing us down the runway, just as a precaution. Lovely.

We landed and saw the firetrucks out the window. The landing was smooth, we slowed down, and everybody clapped - just like in the movies. We pulled up to a gate and boarded a plane at the next gate and eventually landed in Nashville two hours past our original arrival time.

It was not a flight I would ever want to be on. I don't like flying and this certainly kept me on edge. But I always wondered if I would get on a plane if there was such a problem. There was, and I did.

I am still not a flying fan but I'm still a Southwest fan. I just wish it were Southwest Bus Lines instead!!

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Things that make today great: Jury duty; Seventh Heaven dinner; race picture collage